Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
