Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So much rum. So many feels.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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