JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
