thus making me awesome and them whores
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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