so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
