I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
