is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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