i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
