she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
