All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
