Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Houston, we have a blender
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
