I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
