Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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