I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
