D3 body, D1 cock
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
