Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
