She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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