I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I deserve this hangover.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
