So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
