I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
