She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
