Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
