How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
