i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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