i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
