a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
