if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Only a mothe r could love this liver
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
