he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
