I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The uberlube is also flammable
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
