So drunk its hurt
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
