Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
