Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
