There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I understand Curling. That high.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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