I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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