im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
