And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize