any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
