apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
