I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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