it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
