I am midnight drunk by noon
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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