What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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