I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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