ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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