when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
