see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
