Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize