Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
