mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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