I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
