i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
