do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
