Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize