onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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