There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
