So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
