I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
