I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
