I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
