i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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