We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
