My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
