Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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