I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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