I'm drive I can fine osifer
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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