every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
