A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
