someone owes me an orgasm
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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