please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
