he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
