You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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