Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
