I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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