This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
