There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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