i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
