we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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